Reverse the Ritual

Avenger fans will recall that in the Loki TV series, the TVA (Time Variance Authority) erases the memories of its employees, including Loki himself, to prevent them from interfering with the sacred timeline. Well, something very similar happened to me – and many, many other women: last name erased, parents changed, priorities reconfigured. Do you hear the romantic ditty ‘Main to bhul chali….Piya ka ghar pyara lage’ ringing in your head?

Every woman will attest to the difficult adjustments that expected of her when she shifts houses after marriage. Inspite of the everyday struggles, we heroically hold on to our little fortresses and the mind space that we call our own. Facebook profile names have become longer and email addresses remain gloriously maiden - the little victories that embellish our daily lives!

Patrilocation is the technical term for this ‘shifting of a woman to her husband’s house after her marriage’ - a phenomenon we take for granted. Songs like ‘Solah baras ki jo hui…teri kudmay ke din aa gaye’ are all meant to make us feel sentimental about this haloed concept. Most people will probably affirm that the concept worked for our society. Well yes, you just have to ignore the millions of women who suffered due to it!

But in today’s age, when the winds of change are blowing through all of society, it is perhaps time to question this concept. The demeaning terms ‘Ghar Jamaai’ and ‘Joru ka Ghulam’ are precisely meant to perpetuate a system that served only one half of the world’s population.

Women too have parents. We too have a right to take care of them. We don’t have to forego marriage to be able to do that. Scores of women every year refuse to get married because it robs them of this precious opportunity. Can’t the system be more flexible to accommodate the shifting needs of our girls? If AI can bring such a sea change in the way we do our work, how about bringing an even bigger change in the hardest thing of all - our mind-set!