It’s
been more than a year since I sent my elder child to hostel and unsurprisingly
the one palpable emotion that I have experienced is of being judged - by
relatives, curious neighbours, and incredulous friends. Why? What was the
need?.....went the common refrain. But I wasn’t in a position to answer. Heart
rending as the experience was, I was too proud to admit that it had had any
effect on me…Nah..crying is for wimps!
Make no mistake – my husband and I had deep conviction in the decision that we
had taken. And our thoughts are so well explained in a short animated film
released by Pixar. ‘Piper’ is an
unusually well made movie that went viral, not so long ago. Released in the
year 2016, the 6 minute long film won an Academy Award for the Best Animated
Short Film. It tells the coming-of-age tale of a sandpiper hatchling,
who overcomes his fear of the gigantic and harsh sea waves, to imbibe a skill
that helps him corner the lion’s share of clams and oysters for himself and his
clan! A secret he discovers because his mom did not hesitate to let go. Just
like that.
The movie set me thinking about how we inadvertently mollycoddle and shield our
children from the harsh realities of life, weakening them in the process. Don’t
believe me? Go to a regular bus stop and watch parents kindly carrying their
school bags. I think of the time when I slogged doing the housework and
did not even think of asking my children to help, because, “Poor things! They
had so much homework”. Needless to say that the homework stretched out of proportion
to fill the time that was available. Only when I suffered from an excruciating
back pain did I allow myself to ask for their help.
It also occurred to me that a little hunger is crucial for children to achieve
their potential. But do we let our children go hungry in any way at all? It
would appear cruel to not concede to their every whim and demand, whether it
were water balloons or a PSP game or a smart watch. If some wishes were not
granted, would they not be motivated enough to push their limits to achieve the
impossible?
The bird-brained are truly smarter! In the movie, Mommy bird leaves her
off-spring hungry and terrified. From a distance she coaxes and cajoles him to
leave his shelter and face the big, bad, brackish waves. A tug of war ensues
between his dread of the waves and his rumbling tummy. Predictably, his craving for food forces him to leave his safe terrain.
Soon, the hatchling strikes up an unusual friendship with a hermit crab who
teaches him a clever trick to dig up food underwater, even while being
submerged in the very waves that he abhorred! Not only had he overcome
his angst, but he had also learnt to make the best of it!
Friendship with diverse people can stimulate the mind in fascinating ways. But
I am not sure whether we are promoting diversity in our society. It disturbs me
when I see little children launching into an anti-Pakistan tirade. And it
disturbs me further when educated Muslims confess to me about their heightened
sense of insecurity. Suffice it to say, that any way you look at it, our
children and society at large stand to lose.
The little hatchling struck up an unusual friendship and overcame a paralyzing
fear. Eleanor Roosevelt once famously said – ‘Do one thing every day that
scares you’. Do we allow our children to face their fears or do we protect
them? Does it hurt our ego when the child hasn’t performed well? Is it enough
that she looked at fear squarely in the eye?
Kahlil Gibran, the famous philosopher avers, ' You are the mere bow that the
lord hath made. You bring the child in the world as an instrument in the hands
of the Lord. Bend gracefully so that the arrow may fly towards its destiny '.
Easier said than done. I
have won the prize for writing the most number of emails to my son in hostel. I
have been accused of being a paranoid Mom. Unwittingly, I have tried to shield
my children from failure and have actually set them up for disappointments in
the future.
But Piper’s mom inspires me to change. So, I am facing my fears everyday ….are
you?
